ForceFlow
by AmazingGraceless
Summary: Rose Tico used to be a Jedi. Then everything went wrong. She muses on her past as a Jedi Knight. Jedi!Rose, Rose x Kylo. Don't like, don't read.


**AN: This is just an experiment. Pairing is Rose x Ben/Kylo, but if it continues, Finnrey will be the other pairing. But for now, Rose Tico is simply a Jedi Knight from Deyer who happened to be Ben's ex.**

* * *

The Jedi were legends. They were like the demigods of Deyerian mythology-invincible heroes wielding strange magic and the judge, jury, and executioners of the galaxy. As I grew older, I realized that the Jedi must have been the source of those myths and legends.

The point is, for as far back as I can remember, I knew the Jedi. I begged Dad to tell me the stories of the Jedi during bedtime, while Paige requested tales of the Rebellion. While my favorite stories were about Nomi Sunrider and Ulic Qel-Droma, Paige's favorite was the story behind _Rogue One_. Whenever we were playing with duraplastic swords and blasters, Paige wanted to be Jyn Erso or Princess Leia, while I was Luke Skywalker. Never was I anyone else, since there were no other Jedi during that time that I knew about.

* * *

How different things are now.

I miss Deyer, and I miss the Praxeum. They were my homes. I keep telling myself that soon enough D'Qarr will be home. But I know the truth, and that's what keeps me awake at night. Others know, though. It's easy to find the exiles, if you know where to look.

It's nighttime now, and I'm the last one working, so I get to lock up. Lucky me. At least I've managed to beat my previous record for how fast it takes me to fix Poe Dameron's X-wing. I take a sip of caff- I prefer the froofy drinks like the ones they make in Coruscanti cafés or how Mom used to brew it. But the Resistance is on a budget, so black caff will just have to get me through the night.

I close my eyes for a second and I can feel it around me, stronger than ever. Master Luke always told us that it surrounds us and binds us, but I never realized how much until I found myself in exile. I flex my fingers, and try to ignore the call. I am doing something, by being here. I am saving the galaxy, in my own small way. I'm not a demigod.

I pull out my datapad- completely secure with a thousand different firewalls, all my own software. My fingers always knew how to code and tinker, it seems, even though for the longest time I never knew how or why. Now I know.

I log into the chat room. ForceFlow- the only place where I can work up the courage to admit to myself how and why it happened. The others have been at it for some time. I manage to type down how I feel, even if it makes no sense with the rest of the conversation.

 **Sunrider:** do any of you know how to make it quiet? i can't shut it out. it keeps calling me.

I stare at the screen. It always relieves me to see everyone online. It means another day that he failed. Another day that I don't have to remind myself that I used to be brave enough to love a monster.

 **KyberHearts** : short of spice, i don't know anything that can block it out.

 **Outlander2187:** yeah even the spice doesn't work all the time. I wouldn't try it again.

I sigh and type a reply.

 **Sunrider:** thanks anyway. :(

I then log out of the chat room after one lingering glance. I turn off the lights, lock the doors, and clean up the last of the grease spots. I then see the rain coming down in sheets in the brightly lit walkway. I lift my hood up and walk cautiously to the barracks. I don't disturb the others as I change out of my wet jumpsuit, scarf, and jacket and into a perfectly dry nightshirt. It's silky and dyed bright colors with a beautifully threaded and beaded pattern. Mom made it in the traditional style of the Deyerians.

I lie on my side in the bunk, trying to tune out the call of the Force. I try to exhaust myself enough that I'll just pass out and not dream. Because when I dream, I dream of him. I hate myself for it. I know what he's become and I know it's no good to keep my hopes for him- yet hope I do. So instead, I try to remember other things. I remember the day I found out why I was able to do strange things that Paige could not.

* * *

I could hardly believe it. It was the great Luke Skywalker in my own village. And I could somehow sense that I was the one he was looking for. So I darted out of the house, letting myself be seen by the living legend. He approached me, his eyes blue as the sky and filled with empathy and compassion. He knelt before me like the Knight I pretended to be in my games with Paige.

"I'm Luke Skywalker- what's your name?" he asked.

"Rose Tico," I said. I outstretched my hand and he took it with a smile as warm as the sunshine.

"I've come a long way," he said. "I can feel that you are strong in the Force."

"I am?" I cried. I looked to the front porch, where Paige had rushed out. "Is Paige?'

Luke looked to her. His expression morphed into one of sympathy. "I'm sorry. No."

K could feel the unsettling anger and the loneliness and the fear of being worthless radiating from her sister.

"I'm sorry," Luke repeated. "But if you would like, I'd like to invite you to the Jedi Praxeum on Yavin IV. I help train all Jedi there, and I can train you to be a Jedi Knight."

I looked to my parents, who had joined Paige on the front porch.

"Can I go?" I asked. I could sense my mother's concern and my father's pride. I wanted to go, to become a guardian of the galaxy like the Jedi Knights had been for the past thousand generations. I knew that father would let me, but mother might stop him. She might say no.

* * *

Maybe she should have.

But I did go to his academy. I did become a Jedi Knight. I am a Jedi Knight. I whisper that to myself over and over. "I am a Jedi Knight."

I don't sound convincing.

I roll over, then flip over the pillow, and let out a sigh. I know I could feel less tired if I let sleep claim me now. But that would mean dreaming of him, and I cannot let myself dream of him any longer.

I used to love him, you know. Maybe I still do. Depends on how much of the real him is left. Probably not much. But I've always been a dreamer. I wish I could hate Ben Solo. But I can't. Despite everything.


End file.
